This and similar enticing messages run constantly on dating sites and social media pages used by widowers. Usually, they get your attention with a picture of an attractive young gal about half your age, usually with some cleavage showing. Unfortunately, these siren song messages go along with our being identified as widowers. Way too many of us have been taken advantage of by these solicitations.

Widowers are easy targets for those who would prey upon our loneliness and desperation for female companionship after losing our wives. These click-bait appeals are often specifically targeted towards older men who are single or widowed. While it is easy to be tempted into clicking on these ads, the consequences can include:

• Flooding your dating site or Facebook page with more similar appeals.

• Solicitations for phone calls and chats that are designed to either charge you for their time or to entice you into “helping” them financially through some dire situation.

• Securing your personal information such as address, bank accounts, email address, phone number, etc.

• Enticing you to a meeting where the intent is to rob you or do you harm; or

• Getting personal information that can help them to run a scam on your children or grandchildren.

You can just as easily substitute Asian, Indian, or Hispanic women for Russian or Ukrainian women who are the most common bait. But know that too often the one posting the ad is an old heavyset hairy dude sitting in his undershirt and shorts while choreographing your online meeting with women trained in the art of seduction and believability.

They know that you are vulnerable! They know that your guard is down! They know that you are desperate for companionship. They may offer to video chat with you so they can employ more of their visual and emotional tricks of the trade to suck you into their web.

We want to believe them! We want to think that some beautiful young gal would be interested in us! We want to believe that we are smart enough to smell out a scam! But I hate to tell you, you are wrong! I have spoken to way too many of my fellow widowers who have fallen into these traps.

And these are smart, successful, and honorable men. And they all eventually realize how foolish they were, and how gullible they were. The resulting self-condemnation and embarrassment can only further complicate the healing process.

To protect ourselves we need to rebuild our inner alarm system. You know, the one that says, “Hey stupid, don’t buy this! You know better!” We need to recognize just how damaged our social filters and warning signals are when we are grieving for our wives.

We are facing what psychiatrists have determined to be the highest stressors possible. Combine the pain of losing your wife with loneliness, isolation, sleep deprivation, self-doubt, and regrets… and what you get is one very desperate and vulnerable man. I know, I have been there!

To protect yourself, begin by recognizing just how vulnerable you are and learn to step back every time you are solicited so you can look at the messages you are getting more objectively. With practice, you will again be able to rebuild those protective social filters and caution sensors that alert you when someone is trying to take advantage of you.

It takes time to get back to “normal,” but trust me you can get there and recognize what is real and what is not. It does not hurt to be on the cautious side for a while until you feel that you have your feet back firmly on solid ground.

© Copyright 2024 Fred Colby

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