A SUPPORT CIRCLE CAN HELP YOU HEAL
Eight years ago, I found myself where many of you are today… in deep grieving mode and without the one person I could always rely upon to hear, support, and love me whenever I was facing a major challenge. I, like many of you, had to decide:
Do I hide out in my home and grieve on my own until somehow, I magically heal, OR
Do I reach out to others who understand me and what I am going through, and who will unreservedly support me as I try to regain my footing?
I recognized early on that I could not do this alone. I knew I needed support, what I did not know was who would be in this group. Over the next few months, my support circle came about unintentionally and organically. It eventually included:
2 male friends (one work-related and one realtor) who met with me after work over beers, listening to my repeated tales of what my wife Theresa and I had gone through and the challenges I was facing
A co-founder of a Men’s Grief Group we founded and facilitated at our area hospice. We often spoke about our grieving process and the issues we faced going forward
A sister who had lost her significant other and had been a therapist for years. She patiently listened to my many thoughts, fears, and doubts as my situation evolved over the next year
A grief therapist who helped guide me through the healing process.
As we become open to the idea, we can form our own support circle, one that works best for us. As the story below demonstrates, there are many ways to form a support circle.
Allen Conley told me about his support circle and some unexpected consequences that came out of it:
In 2021, I got on Facebook for the first time to let friends know about the passing of my wife, Tina, 3 months earlier. The algorithm, I'm thinking, connected me to your posts "Widower to Widower". In the comment section, I engaged with Terry Dawson, who lost his wife earlier that year. We connected and shared our stories over time, supporting each other. Both of us found our purpose to fight for joy and not live in perpetual sadness, and then we both remarried.
This week, Terry and Patsy traveled from South Carolina to Texas. Ginger and I met them in person for the first time when we invited them to our home for dinner. All 4 of us are widowed. All 4 of us are choosing to fight for joy.
Thank you, Fred, for providing the platform for us to celebrate our past and our future.
Support circles can emerge from just about any situation or relationship, sometimes obvious and sometimes not. The key is to be receptive to opportunities to form these support circles when they present themselves. They can include family, friends, workmates, neighbors, grief group members, or a new acquaintance you met at a new group activity. Don’t reject these opportunities out of hand, give them a chance and you might be surprised.
© Copyright 2023 Fred Colby
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Fred Colby is the author of:
Widower to Widower which is available through all major booksellers and libraries.
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