Father's Day Message For Children of Widowers
If your dad is a recent widower, there are ways you can help him on Father's Day while also strengthening your family relationships. To ignore Father’s Day can be a missed opportunity, and even a mistake that injects another layer of separation between the father and children.
Based on my own experience, I can tell you that fathers who are newly minted widowers on Father's Day are apt to be in the throes of intense loneliness, self-doubt, and possibly caught up in regrets and self-recrimination. This can lead to self-isolation and depression if not addressed.
My own children used Father's Day as an excuse to insert themselves into my life and provided much needed (though often resisted) love and support. Unlike a holiday such as a wedding anniversary, the new widower may not be severely impacted on Father's Day, but the wife's absence cannot be ignored. Loneliness, especially at this time, can trigger other severe emotional and physical responses which further aggravate existing symptoms.
I believe it is dead wrong for children to avoid honoring and celebrating Father's Day due to a sense that dear old dad needs some space. What he most likely needs (though he may be loath to admit it) is some loving company, some emotional support, encouragement, and the message that, "we care for you, and we are here for you." Sometimes this reaching out can be the catalyst that breaks down psycho-emotional walls that have existed for years, even decades.
That clueless and sometimes insensitive dad you have known in the past, may well be finding his more empathetic and vulnerable side, allowing you "IN" in a way not even dreamed of in past times. Father’s Day is a great excuse and opportunity for the children to reach out to dad in a way that ignores some of the behavioral norms we so often practice.
Their children, while suffering too from the loss of their mother, are likely in a better place than their father, and therefore better equipped to be the one reaching out and offering support. They are likely to find their relationship with dear old dad changing through this transition, to one of increased responsibility in many areas. On Father's Day, that might take the form of being the one taking the lead.
So, my recommendation is that you reach out to dad and engage him during Father's Day in a way which helps him to break out of the cycle of emotional, psychological, and physical issues he may be experiencing. He will appreciate it, and you may just find your relationship with him growing in unexpected and wonderful ways.
© Copyright 2023 Fred Colby
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