Loving Yourself to Health

Ask yourself: “What would your wife want for you? Would she want you to be circling the drain of self-induced pain and grief, or would she want you to be active, reengaged with life, and continuing to find ways to love and be loved?”

Widower, Widower blog, Widower Grief Experience, Widower Relationships, Widower Self HelpFred ColbySeptember 16, 2024Fred Colby, Authorhealing grief, Behavior of a widower, overcoming widower isolation, How a widower can keep their relationships, Grief therapyComment

Ignoring the Grief Others Are Feeling

It is easy during the first year or so after your wife’s passing to become so immersed in your own grief that you ignore the grief others are feeling. Let’s face it, during this time our grief is overwhelming! It often blocks out everything else so that we are unaware of much that’s going on around us, even though our survival depends in part on our ability to maintain our most important relationships.

Widower, Widower blog, Widower Grief, Widower Relationships, Widower Self HelpFred ColbySeptember 2, 2024Fred Colby, Authorhealing grief, Behavior of a widower, overcoming widower isolation, Widower’s syndrome, How a widower can keep their relationshipsComment

What to Say, or Not Say to a New Widower

Friends and family members are often afraid to speak with a new widower… and with good reason as we are frequently emotionally traumatized after losing our wives. The following summarizes advice I shared during some recent radio interviews.

Widower, Widower Relationships, Widower supportFred ColbyJuly 21, 2024Fred Colby, AuthorWidower Families, Widower anger, Behavior of a widower, overcoming widower isolationComment

Questions About New Relationships – Part 2

Should the new girlfriend insist on removing all the photos and mementos of the past relationship? How does a widow/widower give their new relationships focus, attention, intentional care, and nurturing while keeping reminders of a late spouse hanging around?

Widower, Widower blog, Widower RelationshipsFred ColbyJuly 8, 2024Fred Colby, AuthorBehavior of a widower, How to repair broken relationships with a widower, Is a widower ready to dateComment

Questions About New Relationships – Part 1

Do you think a widower (with proper time for grief and healing) can go on to love another as much as the late wife? This question was posed to my by a therapist and doctoral student, who works with Couples in Conflict Management. This article speaks to this and other difficult questions for widowers.

Widower, Widower blog, Widower Grief, Widower Relationships, Widowers and datingFred ColbyJune 23, 2024Fred Colby, Authorwidower building new relationships, Stages of grief, Behavior of a widower, Is a widower ready to dateComment

YOU DON'T KNOW EVERYTHING

I certainly don’t know everything! And… more than likely, neither do you.

One of the biggest shocks upon entering deep grieving as a widower is the realization of how ill-prepared we are to deal with it… much less survive it!…

Widower, Widower blog, Widower Grief, Widower Self HelpFred ColbyApril 29, 2024Fred Colby, Authorhealing grief, Behavior of a widower, Coping with death of wife, Deep grieving, Healing GriefComment

Golden Bachelor Marriage Ends Quickly – Why?

Recent headlines about the very brief three-month marriage of Widower Gerry Turner (the first Golden Bachelor) and Theresa Nist coming to an end raise some interesting questions.

The pace of the Golden Bachelor program is frenetic. It expects a Bachelor to identify, court, and then marry a new bride after just a few months of meeting and dating a wide variety of women. This is unrealistic…

Widower Relationships, Widowers and dating, Widower, Widower blogFred ColbyApril 15, 2024Fred Colby, AuthorBehavior of a widower, overcoming widower isolation, Gerry Turner, Is a widower ready to date, How a widower can keep their relationshipsComment

Sex and the Widower

Sex is a topic that we widowers often have difficulty discussing with each other, much less with friends, family, or even therapists. And yet, it needs to be addressed. Why?…

Widower, Widower blog, Widower Relationships, Widowers and datingFred ColbyApril 1, 2024Fred Colby, AuthorStages of grief, Behavior of a widower, Deep grieving, Coping with death of wife, Sex and Widower Comments

WHAT CAN MATT AND BEN TEACH WIDOWERS?

Matt Damon and Ben Affleck seem an unlikely pair to be teaching Widowers how to heal and regain purpose and joy in their lives. But in fact, they are a great example for us to follow….

Widower Relationships, Widower Grief Experience, Widower support, Widower, Widower blogFred ColbyMarch 11, 2024Fred Colby, AuthorBehavior of a widower, Men’s Grief Groups, Healing Grief, Coping with death of wifeComment

YOU ARE THE BOSS NOW!

Remember when you were young, married, and full of misconceptions about your life and marriage? Previously, in our more male-dominated society, you might have believed that as the husband you were the “boss” in the family!

Ha.. ha! Many of us eventually found what a joke that belief was! …

Widower Self Help, Widower Relationships, Widower Grief Experience, WidowerFred ColbyFebruary 19, 2024Fred Colby, AuthorBehavior of a widower, Coping with death of wife, Healing Grief, widowers taking responsibility, Coping with complicated griefComment

OVERCOMING LONELINESS AND SUICIDAL THOUGHTS

… Men are not supposed to show grief, because we are men. I call BS on that one, and here is where our worlds overlap. Did you know that 80% of all suicides in America are committed by men? Read that again, and let’s go upstream and talk about mental health.

One of the risk factors for suicide is the loss of a relationship…. we must be on our A-game to guard against intrusive thoughts like suicide, and most of these occur when we are alone. So, let’s look at loneliness a bit…

Widower, Widower blog, Widower Grief, Widower Relationships, Widower supportFred ColbyFebruary 5, 2024Fred Colby, Authorwidower loneliness, Behavior of a widower, Suicidal thoughts, Coping with complicated grief, Deep grievingComment

We Are Worthy!!

Whether quoting from Wayne’s World or the Bible, the phrase “I am not worthy” may describe how we feel at times after our wives pass away. A ritual of self-condemnation and feelings of inadequacy often overwhelm us, especially when we are alone. It is so easy to fall into a pattern of blaming ourselves or others….

Widower, Widower blog, Widower Relationships, Widower Grief ExperienceFred ColbyNovember 27, 2023Fred Colby, AuthorStages of grief, Behavior of a widower, overcoming widower isolation, Widower syndrome, healing griefComment

Why Are Some Widowers So Angry?

Shortly after my wife’s death, I went to the mountains by myself for a week and screamed as loud and often as I wanted to. But now, years later, I no longer feel the anger I felt then. I now forget how easy it was to cut myself off from everyone and to let the anger and depression take over my life.

Widower, Widower blog, Widower Relationships, Widower Self HelpFred ColbyNovember 8, 2023Fred Colby, Authorhealing grief, Behavior of a widower, Widower syndrome, Stages of griefComment

One Mississippi, Two Mississippi

Since your wife died, how often have you been thoroughly confused by the kindness of women towards you? How often have you, even though you know it is wrong, thought there might be something there? I am not embarrassed to tell you that I had many such instances….

Widower, Widower Grief, Widower Relationships, Widower Self HelpFred ColbyOctober 2, 2023Fred Colby, Authorhealing grief, Behavior of a widower, Widower’s syndrome, How to repair broken relationships with a widower, When to start dating after death of spouse, widower building new relationshipsComment

ANGRY AND GRATEFUL AT THE SAME TIME?

Just try to be angry and grateful at the same time. Hard, isn’t it?

It is difficult because the focus on one interferes with your ability to do the other…

Widower, Widower blog, Widower Grief Experience, Widower RelationshipsFred ColbySeptember 18, 2023Fred Colby, AuthorStages of grief, healing grief, Behavior of a widower, overcoming widower isolation, BereavementComment

WHAT DO GERVAIS, BACKMAN, HANKS AND GERRY TURNER HAVE IN COMMON?

There is an upsurge in interest in widowers and their grief journeys due to these four men who have brought open and frank discussions of the topic to the forefront. We believe this will help break down barriers for many widowers and those who love them…

Widower, Widower blog, Widower Grief Experience, Widower Self Help, Widowers and datingFred ColbyAugust 8, 2023Fred Colby, AuthorDeath of Spouse, Behavior of a widower, widower resources, Widower’s syndrome, Deep grieving, healing grief, Golden Bachelor, Gerry TurnerComment

LOVE HURTS

Grief and its inevitable partner, loneliness, cause pain unlike anything most have ever experienced before. The love we felt so strongly for our wives now turns on us and causes emotional, physical, and psychological pain. The sudden absence of love being given back to us leaves a hole that seems bottomless and unfillable; while our inability to show our love to a physically present wife frustrates, confuses, and hurts us.

Widower Self Help, Widower support, Widower Relationships, Widower Grief ExperienceFred ColbyJuly 24, 2023Fred Colby, Authorhealing grief, Behavior of a widower, overcoming widower isolation, widower loneliness Comments

Are You Talking to Others?

After the loss of our wives, many of us find ourselves unable to communicate effectively with others. Even those of us who come from careers in communication may find ourselves suddenly at a loss for words… Learning to communicate with others again is not only vital for us to heal but also critical if we want to re-engage with life again in any meaningful way.

Widower Relationships, Widower Grief, Widower blog, Widower Self HelpFred ColbyJuly 10, 2023Fred Colby, Authorhealing grief, Behavior of a widower, overcoming widower isolation, Healing Grief, How to heal after a spouse dies, widower lonelinessComment

Father's Day Message For Children of Widowers

If your dad is a recent widower, there are ways you can help him on Father's Day while also strengthening your family relationships. To ignore Father’s Day can be a missed opportunity, and even a mistake that injects another layer of separation between the father and children…

Widower Relationships, Widower Grief Experience, Widower blogFred ColbyMay 30, 2023Fred Colby, AuthorHealing Grief, overcoming widower isolation, Widower Families, Behavior of a widower, Father's DayComment

Avoiding Downward Spirals

We often ask, “How can I survive this?” During these times, the siren call of alcohol and drugs may be strong. I was very tempted to drink more, try weed, or take pain pills. I thought this would help ease my pain and let me forget what I was experiencing…

Widower, Widower Self Help, Widower Grief, Widower Grief ExperienceFred ColbyMay 14, 2023Fred Colby, AuthorStages of grief, What is a widower experiencing?, Behavior of a widower, overcoming widower isolation, Men’s Grief Groups, Healing Grief Comments

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