Surviving the Holidays

How do you steel yourself against the trauma of upcoming special days and holidays. We each may have very different experiences during these special days.

Widower, Widower blog, Widower Grief, Widower Self HelpFred ColbyNovember 24, 2024Fred Colby, Authorhealing grief, Widower’s syndrome, widower loneliness, overcoming widower isolation Comments

Why Go To Group Therapy?

On the evening of June 29, 2015, I began a journey for which I was ill-prepared. After holding my wife as she passed, I entered the grieving experience with no idea of what to expect along the way.

For the first couple of weeks, I experienced the “Numbing Period.”

Widower Grief, Widower blog, Widower Grief Experience, Widower Relationships, WidowerFred ColbyOctober 14, 2024Fred Colby, AuthorMen’s Grief Groups, Widower’s syndrome, Widower information, Stages of grief, healing grief, Coping with complicated griefComment

Ignoring the Grief Others Are Feeling

It is easy during the first year or so after your wife’s passing to become so immersed in your own grief that you ignore the grief others are feeling. Let’s face it, during this time our grief is overwhelming! It often blocks out everything else so that we are unaware of much that’s going on around us, even though our survival depends in part on our ability to maintain our most important relationships.

Widower, Widower blog, Widower Grief, Widower Relationships, Widower Self HelpFred ColbySeptember 2, 2024Fred Colby, Authorhealing grief, Behavior of a widower, overcoming widower isolation, Widower’s syndrome, How a widower can keep their relationshipsComment

YOU CAN’T PLEASE EVERYONE

We widowers often hear that soon after the death of our wives we will lose many friends and possibly some family ties. This frequently occurs despite our best efforts to maintain these previously reliable and important relationships. This can result in…

Widower, Widower blog, Widower Grief, Widower Relationships, Widower Self HelpFred ColbyJanuary 9, 2024Fred Colby, AuthorDeath of Spouse, Coping with death of wife, Widower’s syndrome, How a widower can keep their relationshipsComment

One Mississippi, Two Mississippi

Since your wife died, how often have you been thoroughly confused by the kindness of women towards you? How often have you, even though you know it is wrong, thought there might be something there? I am not embarrassed to tell you that I had many such instances….

Widower, Widower Grief, Widower Relationships, Widower Self HelpFred ColbyOctober 2, 2023Fred Colby, Authorhealing grief, Behavior of a widower, Widower’s syndrome, How to repair broken relationships with a widower, When to start dating after death of spouse, widower building new relationshipsComment

WHAT DO GERVAIS, BACKMAN, HANKS AND GERRY TURNER HAVE IN COMMON?

There is an upsurge in interest in widowers and their grief journeys due to these four men who have brought open and frank discussions of the topic to the forefront. We believe this will help break down barriers for many widowers and those who love them…

Widower, Widower blog, Widower Grief Experience, Widower Self Help, Widowers and datingFred ColbyAugust 8, 2023Fred Colby, AuthorDeath of Spouse, Behavior of a widower, widower resources, Widower’s syndrome, Deep grieving, healing grief, Golden Bachelor, Gerry TurnerComment

I Was Supposed to Die First!

Almost every widower I have met, emailed, or spoken to has at some point said this to me. I certainly felt that way after my wife passed in 2015…This sense of feeling that “I should have died before she did” can lead to feelings of survivor’s guilt, as well as deep regret for not being able to “save” her.

Widower, Widower blog, Widower Grief Experience, Widower Self HelpFred ColbyApril 19, 2023Fred Colby, AuthorHealing Grief, Behavior of a widower, Widower’s complicated grief, Widower’s syndrome, Death of Spouse, Survivor's guiltComment

Our Role Changes After Loss

When our wife passes, we suddenly lose our Home-Life as we knew it. If we are still working, we are often forgiven if we suddenly become buried in our Work-Life. This can be unhealthy and lead to medical, emotional, and mental issues which can spiral into major problems….

Widower, Widower blog, Widower Grief, Widower RelationshipsFred ColbyFebruary 24, 2023Fred Colby, AuthorWidower’s syndrome, Widower Health, What is a widower experiencing?, Behavior of a widower, Widower Families, Healing Grief Comments

What is Love Now?

After your wife dies you realize that your concept of love has transformed over the years into something much more powerful and meaningful. To expect that you can replicate that with a new girlfriend after dating her just a few times and within the first year after your wife passes is often illogical.

Widower, Widower blog, Widower Relationships, Widower Self Help, Widowers and datingFred ColbyJanuary 22, 2023Fred Colby, AuthorWidower’s syndrome, Is a widower ready to date, Behavior of a widower, overcoming widower isolation, Healing Grief Comment

Grieving's Impact on Family Relationships

After my wife’s death, I became increasingly concerned about my ability to make sound decisions. At times the world around me seemed surreal… and I often wanted to shut the door on everyone and just hide in my grief.

As I began to recognize the impact of these issues on me, I became fearful that I would make bad decisions that might threaten my relationships…

Widower, Widower blog, Widower Grief Experience, Widower Relationships, Widower Self HelpFred ColbyJanuary 11, 2023Fred Colby, AuthorHealing Grief, overcoming widower isolation, Widower’s syndrome, widower lonelinessComment

First-Ever Date? Girlfriend? or Lover?

Was your wife the first woman/girl you ever:

· dated?

· kissed?

· asked to become your girlfriend?

· made love to?

Widower, Widower blog, Widower Grief, Widower Grief Experience, Widower Relationships, Widower Self HelpFred ColbyOctober 30, 2022Fred Colby, AuthorWidower’s syndrome, Is a widower ready to date, Behavior of a widower, widower building new relationshipsComment

8 Newbie Widower Mistakes

During the first year of being a widower, we often find ourselves:

· Unable to sleep more than 2 – 4 hours a night,

· Sinking into a depression with constant sobbing,

· Unable to determine what is real and what is unreal,

· Craving to have a woman in our lives,

· Losing focus on what we are trying to work on, or

· Unable to communicate with others.

Does this sound like a good place to be when trying to make life-altering decisions? Hell no!

Widower blog, Widower Grief, Widower Relationships, Widower Self HelpFred ColbyApril 19, 2022Fred Colby, AuthorWidower’s syndrome, Behavior of a widower, Widower’s complicated grief, How to heal after a spouse dies, widower booksComment

Loneliness Amplifies Anger, Guilt, and Regrets

During an overwhelming sense of loneliness, guilt, anger, and regrets can become amplified to levels that overwhelm you. If you are not careful, this can lead to complicated grief with even deeper sorrow and depression.

Widower Relationships, Widower Self Help, Widower Grief Experience, Widower blogFred ColbyApril 6, 2022Fred Colby, AuthorWidower’s syndrome, Widower’s complicated grief, Behavior of a widower Comments

Building Resiliency Despite Multiple Deaths

Two years after my wife’s death, almost to the week, my mother passed away. As I gathered with my five siblings to honor our mom, I could not help but notice the difference in the grieving process….

Widower, Widower blog, Widower Grief Experience, Widower Self HelpFred ColbyMarch 8, 2022Fred Colby, AuthorBehavior of a widower, Widower’s syndrome, widower loneliness, Healing Grief, how to help a grieving widower Comments

Life After Death?

After our wife passes, many of us will ask the question we desperately want an answer to:

“Does she still exist? Is she still aware of me? Can she hear me or see me? Is there any way for me to communicate with her?”…

Widower Self Help, Widower, Widower blog, Widower Grief, Widower RelationshipsFred ColbyJanuary 23, 2022Fred Colby, AuthorWidower Health, Widower’s syndrome, What is a widower experiencing?, Death of SpouseComment

Can You Heal While Living in the Past?

When we first enter deep grieving after losing our wives, we often do everything we can think of to hold on to her. This can include (as it did for me) going through all the old photos, slides, and mementos to try and keep her close and to live in the past.

A part of us has been ripped away, and we don’t want to let it go.

Widower blog, Widower Grief Experience, Widower Self HelpFred ColbyDecember 13, 2021Fred Colby, AuthorWidower’s syndrome, Widower Health, widowers asking for help, Widower memoriesComment

Be a Better Friend ... to Yourself!

So often during our deep grieving we fall into the trap of condemning ourselves, dwelling on our regrets, and/or doubting ourselves. Instead of celebrating the great marriage we had and honoring our wives, we turn on ourselves and focus on the negatives….

Widower Self Help, Widower Grief Experience, Widower Grief, Widower blogFred ColbyNovember 29, 2021Fred Colby, AuthorWidower Health, Widower’s syndrome, widowers asking for help, Behavior of a widower Comments

WHERE CAN I GET HELP?

If you are a widower looking for help, ideas, or support, this blog is for you! At this time of year many of us have a difficult time getting through all the poignant reminders of our spouse. This is NOT the time to be the silent loner. It is the time to reach out to others, and let them help you if they are able to.

Widower blog, Widower Grief Experience, Widower Self HelpFred ColbyNovember 1, 2021Fred Colby, AuthorWidower Health, Widower’s syndrome, Widower Self Help, Behavior of a widowerComment

WHAT TO SAY, NOT SAY, AND I SAY …. TO A NEW WIDOWER

I recently was asked during a radio interview to summarize my advice to the friends and family of a widower on what to say or not say to them. The following are some highlights of our conversation…

Widower Grief Experience, Widower Relationships, Widower Self HelpFred ColbyOctober 19, 2021Widower blogs, Widower’s syndrome, Death of Spouse, Widower Families Comments

Dating Lessons

Starting to date again at age 65 after being married for many years is intimidating for both widows and widowers. The reality can be very different than the cliché’s seen at the movies. For me, dating was a necessary step in my journey to redefine myself and regain my self-confidence.

Widowers and dating, Widower Relationships, Widower blogFred ColbySeptember 22, 2021Fred Colby, AuthorWidower blogs, Widower’s syndrome, widower dating behavior Comments

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