Shortly after my wife of 45 years passed in 2015, I found myself buried in grief. I knew I was in trouble and could not find the answers by myself. So, I asked, “Where can I go for help?” I knew a little about therapy but had never really taken advantage of it.
For many of us, choosing therapy may lead to having to make a choice: “Do I turn to a church for help? Or, do I turn to secular organizations for help?”
Read MoreThe surprise celebrity who emerged from the group was Charles, an unlikely romantic figure. Upon first meeting him, he does not strike you as someone who would become the object of affection for so many women viewers!
Read MoreOn the evening of June 29, 2015, I began a journey for which I was ill-prepared. After holding my wife as she passed, I entered the grieving experience with no idea of what to expect along the way.
For the first couple of weeks, I experienced the “Numbing Period.”
Read MoreIf you were a caregiver for your wife for an extended time, there is a good chance that you experienced anticipatory grief. Expectation of imminent death can be both a blessing and a curse. Our aversion to admitting that she will die may cause us to avoid contemplating what the future might bring. And yet, many symptoms of grief may emerge during this pre-death period.
Read MoreAsk yourself: “What would your wife want for you? Would she want you to be circling the drain of self-induced pain and grief, or would she want you to be active, reengaged with life, and continuing to find ways to love and be loved?”
Read MoreIt is easy during the first year or so after your wife’s passing to become so immersed in your own grief that you ignore the grief others are feeling. Let’s face it, during this time our grief is overwhelming! It often blocks out everything else so that we are unaware of much that’s going on around us, even though our survival depends in part on our ability to maintain our most important relationships.
Read More“My wife, she's still a nice person but she has no patience anymore and it's like we're fighting a constant battle… I'm facing terrible depression. I am a strong person but everybody does have a breaking point.” (T. Kemp)
Read MoreSuppose we do enter into a new and meaningful relationship with someone. In that case, the inevitable question that may emerge is whether you should get married, move in together, stay single, or try Living Apart Together (LAT)?
Read MoreFriends and family members are often afraid to speak with a new widower… and with good reason as we are frequently emotionally traumatized after losing our wives. The following summarizes advice I shared during some recent radio interviews.
Read MoreShould the new girlfriend insist on removing all the photos and mementos of the past relationship? How does a widow/widower give their new relationships focus, attention, intentional care, and nurturing while keeping reminders of a late spouse hanging around?
Read MoreDo you think a widower (with proper time for grief and healing) can go on to love another as much as the late wife? This question was posed to my by a therapist and doctoral student, who works with Couples in Conflict Management. This article speaks to this and other difficult questions for widowers.
Read MoreRecent headlines about the very brief three-month marriage of Widower Gerry Turner (the first Golden Bachelor) and Theresa Nist coming to an end raise some interesting questions.
The pace of the Golden Bachelor program is frenetic. It expects a Bachelor to identify, court, and then marry a new bride after just a few months of meeting and dating a wide variety of women. This is unrealistic…
Read MoreSex is a topic that we widowers often have difficulty discussing with each other, much less with friends, family, or even therapists. And yet, it needs to be addressed. Why?…
Read MoreMatt Damon and Ben Affleck seem an unlikely pair to be teaching Widowers how to heal and regain purpose and joy in their lives. But in fact, they are a great example for us to follow….
Read MoreRemember when you were young, married, and full of misconceptions about your life and marriage? Previously, in our more male-dominated society, you might have believed that as the husband you were the “boss” in the family!
Ha.. ha! Many of us eventually found what a joke that belief was! …
Read More… Men are not supposed to show grief, because we are men. I call BS on that one, and here is where our worlds overlap. Did you know that 80% of all suicides in America are committed by men? Read that again, and let’s go upstream and talk about mental health.
One of the risk factors for suicide is the loss of a relationship…. we must be on our A-game to guard against intrusive thoughts like suicide, and most of these occur when we are alone. So, let’s look at loneliness a bit…
Read MoreWidowers are easy targets for those who would prey upon our loneliness and desperation for female companionship after losing our wives. These click-bait appeals are often specifically targeted towards older men who are single or widowed…
Read MoreWe widowers often hear that soon after the death of our wives we will lose many friends and possibly some family ties. This frequently occurs despite our best efforts to maintain these previously reliable and important relationships. This can result in…
Read MoreOften after our wives pass, another crisis will come along that shakes us and causes us to confront our current state of thinking about our life going forward. This may be just what is needed to wake us and point us into a more promising future…
Read MoreWhen our wives pass, we often ask, “How we can remember, honor, and love them going forward?” That is a huge question for many of us. The answer often plays a major role in how we process and heal our grief…
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