I COULD BE WRONG!
In my younger days I would often bristle at others when they challenged my position, decision, or recommendation. I could be stubborn and hold on to my viewpoint well after it was proven wrong. As you might expect, this could often lead to uncomfortable situations as I refused to acknowledge the correctness of someone else’s position.
This often resulted in me wasting time as I continued down an unproductive path which could cost me and others time, money, and other resources. My wife learned how to cope with my occasional obstinacy and to bring me around to being able to consider another option even when it had to do with where to move, what house to buy, or where to go to dinner.
Over time, as I matured, I finally learned a key trick which helped me to avoid this frame of mind and to leave the door open to other alternatives. This trick required me to recognize that just maybe I was not always right, and that someone else might have a better understanding of the issue or might have a wonderful solution which would be better for everyone… including me.
That trick was (and is) to add the phrase “I could be wrong” to the end of every statement or opinion that I express where there may be an alternative.
Why is this trick so important to a widower? Especially for a new widower? Because after 10, 20, 30, 40 years or more with our wife we no longer have that one person in the world who understood us and that our frequent “statements of fact” were not so ironclad as we often held them to be. She better than anyone knew how to “not react” to our statements in a way that locked us into it. She better than anyone knew that with patience, with a little tough love, and with an acceptance of our ability to eventually arrive at a right decision, that together we would get beyond my stubbornness and move forward together.
Well, your kids, your work mates, your friends, and your neighbors may not be so patient and enlightened. This in turn, if not addressed, could lead to a rupture between you and them. Your most important relationships could be broken and become irreparable if you don’t learn to leave some of your worst habits behind.
Don’t become the grumpy old man next door who is always growling at everyone because you think you are always right, and they are always wrong. Like the Tom Hanks character in the movie A Man Called Otto, you no longer have your wife to run interference for you or to smooth things over with those who you offend.
This type of demeanor often leads to a very painful and unrewarding life of isolation and loneliness. However, learning to say or think “I could be wrong” may lead to some wonderfully rewarding conversations and bonding with others due to your open mindedness and willingness to value the thoughts of others. And you may actually learn something new!
Once you develop this practice, the next step is to apply that attitude to other aspects of your life. By this I mean you can:
Try new activities (e.g. square dancing, bowling, book talks, etc) rather than denigrating or rejecting them out of hand.
Taking different kinds of trips (e.g. mountains instead of beaches, cruises instead of driving, driving instead of flying, etc.).
Meeting new people through clubs, community centers, libraries, online meetup groups (e.g. Meetup.com), etc. instead of always mixing with the same people all the time.
Consider moving to a condo or apartment if your home life is too isolated.
To summarize, this willingness to admit to yourself that “I could be wrong” can lead to much more than just better communications with your family, friends, neighbors, and work mates. It can transform your life as it becomes more open, more exciting, and more rewarding.
So, if you think that maybe some of this applies to you, please go ahead and give it a try! Good luck!
© Copyright 2025 Fred Colby
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Fred Colby is the author of:
Widower to Widower - available through most booksellers and libraries.
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