As I sit here on the deck of a beautiful cabin set in Colorado’s White National Forest, I cannot help but think back to my visit here ten years ago, almost to the day. That visit was about ten days after my wife had passed after a six-month battle with uterine cancer.
I was not in a good mental or emotional place then,…
Read MoreOnce you have decided to date again as a widower, prepare yourself for the shock of entering a dating scene that has changed dramatically since your younger days.
It helps to understand both the risks and benefits of entering the dating scene.
Read MoreDon’t feel alone if you are thinking that you will NEVER be happy again… much less able to be successful again in important areas of your life. After losing your wife, life just does not seem to be worth living anymore.
However, immersing yourself in grief after your wife dies is unavoidable….
Read MoreAs we said at every meeting of my online grief group, “It will never be the same again!” Nothing shakes up your world and self-identity like the loss of your wife….
Read MoreAny of the following newbie widower mistakes can create situations that often cannot be undone. They may lead to complicated grief or widower’s syndrome. To undo the harm already done, it may take years of therapy, mending fences, and corrective actions. And these difficulties often lead to growing issues with alcohol and drugs which can only make all other problems worse.
Read MoreWe feel so isolated and alone when we begin our grief journey. Not only do we believe no one can understand what we are going through, but we feel unable or unwilling to convey what we are going through to others. We are often desperate to have our wives back in our lives… and find ourselves in a deep void that is beyond our comprehension or ability to explain to anyone…
Read MoreDon’t become the grumpy old man next door who is always growling at everyone because you think you are always right, and they are always wrong. Like the Tom Hanks character in the movie A Man Called Otto, you no longer have your wife to run interference for you or to smooth things over with those who you offend…
Read MoreOne of the early signs that you might be pulling out of deep grieving and beginning to heal is the first time you laugh at a memory of your wife.
At first you may recoil at the fact that you are laughing at something she did, thinking you are betraying her and should suffer now and forever…
Read MoreWhen you first realize that you now have some unexpected options, you may not want them. They may scare you, embarrass you, or make you feel guilty.
Why? Because during the first few months of grieving the last thing you will want to think about are the choices that lie before you….
Read MoreThis is the second of two blogs on this topic. Part One outlined the Risk Factors, while Part Two deals with some solutions for the issues identified below.
There are several major risk factors faced by Widowers during their first year of grieving. Any of these can lead to life-threatening mental and physical health issues. Many, if not most of us (including me), have or will experience them at some point in our grief journey.
Read MoreThis is the first of two blogs on this topic. Part Two will deal with solutions to each of the following issues.
There are several major risk factors faced by Widowers during their first year of grieving. Any of these can lead to life-threatening mental and physical health issues.
Read MoreHow do you steel yourself against the trauma of upcoming special days and holidays. We each may have very different experiences during these special days.
Read MoreUnfortunately, we cannot stop the world and get off when our wife passes. So, we end up adding this humongous load of grief on top of everything else going on….
Read MoreOn the evening of June 29, 2015, I began a journey for which I was ill-prepared. After holding my wife as she passed, I entered the grieving experience with no idea of what to expect along the way.
For the first couple of weeks, I experienced the “Numbing Period.”
Read MoreIf you were a caregiver for your wife for an extended time, there is a good chance that you experienced anticipatory grief. Expectation of imminent death can be both a blessing and a curse. Our aversion to admitting that she will die may cause us to avoid contemplating what the future might bring. And yet, many symptoms of grief may emerge during this pre-death period.
Read MoreIt is easy during the first year or so after your wife’s passing to become so immersed in your own grief that you ignore the grief others are feeling. Let’s face it, during this time our grief is overwhelming! It often blocks out everything else so that we are unaware of much that’s going on around us, even though our survival depends in part on our ability to maintain our most important relationships.
Read MoreSuppose we do enter into a new and meaningful relationship with someone. In that case, the inevitable question that may emerge is whether you should get married, move in together, stay single, or try Living Apart Together (LAT)?
Read MoreDo you think a widower (with proper time for grief and healing) can go on to love another as much as the late wife? This question was posed to my by a therapist and doctoral student, who works with Couples in Conflict Management. This article speaks to this and other difficult questions for widowers.
Read MoreI certainly don’t know everything! And… more than likely, neither do you.
One of the biggest shocks upon entering deep grieving as a widower is the realization of how ill-prepared we are to deal with it… much less survive it!…
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