If you already have all the answers, don’t waste your time asking others for help… because you won’t be able to hear any advice that is offered, no matter how good it is. However, if you feel lost and are ready to hear what others can share with you, then by all means ask for help… and the sooner the better.
Read MoreEmpathy is critical to healing grief. For me, it was second only to gratitude as a skill that I had to develop in order to pull myself out of the deep depression and suffering I experienced during the first year of my grieving. Many widowers find their ability to be empathetic to others is greatly enhanced after the loss of their wives.
Read MoreGrief, really deep grief, can change you! I see examples of this change through my men’s grief group, responses to my online blogs, online widowers’ groups, and chance meetings I have with fellow widowers in my community. This change does not happen overnight, it can take months if not years to happen.
Read MoreValentine’s Day, like birthdays and other special days, may bring back painful memories that set us back in our healing process. Knowing this in advance can help us to prepare so we can overcome their impacts…
Read MoreHave you ever been the one to make everyone in the room suddenly freeze, their puzzled sights pointed in your direction after asking something that seemed completely okay at the time?
When a 32-year-old woman by the username u/Ideal-Mind3099 decided to ask her new colleague “James”, a recent widower, about the wedding band on his finger – things went into an opposite direction from what she expected….
Read MoreI recently was asked during a radio interview to summarize my advice to the friends and family of a widower on what to say or not say to them. The following are some highlights of our conversation…
Read MoreStarting to date again at age 65 after being married for many years is intimidating for both widows and widowers. The reality can be very different than the cliché’s seen at the movies. For me, dating was a necessary step in my journey to redefine myself and regain my self-confidence.
Read MoreAll widowers have something in common… we are going, or have gone, through hell on earth….
We can support each other by sharing that which was common in our experience, as well as by sharing that which was unique to us….
Read MoreAfter the loss of our wives, many of us face the question, “Should I sell my house?” and the follow-up question, “Where will I go if I sell it?”
You may find, as I did, that the answer to the first is….
Read MoreAs I recently sat on the porch swing looking out over the green fields, pond, and river before me I realized just how different things are for me now, compared to six years ago after losing my wife of 45 years…
Read MoreBesides experiencing an overwhelming and sometimes terrifying loneliness, for widowers the loss of their wife can often leave them feeling lost and without direction. As husbands we often feel that providing for our family (our wife in particular), is our first and most important purpose. With her gone you cannot help but ask, “What is my purpose now?”
Read MoreA widower, and married man, and a divorced man walk into a bar and the bartenders asks, “What will it be gentlemen?”…
Read MoreHave you ever known someone who is so kind, so caring, so considerate and so wanting to please you and everyone around them that they drive you kind-of-crazy? In response, do you bristle, offer abrupt answers to their questions, and/or push them away every time you are around them.
Well, that may be the feeling that you have around everyone after you lose your wife….
Read MoreOne of my mantras as a widower is: “It will never be the same again!” This is never more obvious than during the holidays. Because holiday memories are so unforgettable and because they are so important to the family as a unit, the loss of your wife just makes these days especially difficult to deal with. COVID 19 has only compounded the problems.
Read MoreAlmost all of us will arrive at a point early in the grieving process when we realize that we are now all alone. Even if we have kids to take care of, friends and family nearby, and/or church members supporting us… we will still feel that we are isolated and possibly losing all connection to reality. This realization can make the world around us seem scary and surreal…
Read MoreWe feel so isolated and alone when we begin our grief journey. Not only do we believe no one can understand what we are going through, but we feel unable or unwilling to convey what we are going through to others. Finding our Brothers in Grief often helps widowers to get through this worst of times.
Read MoreRemember that feeling of peace, that feeling of being comfortable with yourself, your circumstances, and your marriage? Maybe you were 10, 20, or even 30 years into your marriage before you reached this point… Can you ever achieve that feeling again??
Read MoreOne of the early signs that maybe, just maybe, you are pulling out of deep grieving and beginning to heal is the first time you laugh at a memory of your wife. At first you may recoil at the fact that you are laughing at something she did,…
Read MoreLike me, many new widowers may find themselves minus both their wife and mother on a Mother’s Day. In my case, my wife passed in 2015 and my mom in 2017, almost exactly two years apart. …
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