Selling Your House?

After the loss of our wives, many of us face the question, “Should I sell my house?” and the follow-up question, “Where will I go if I sell it?”

You may find, as I did, that the answer to the first is, “Yes.” But the answer to the second one may be much more complicated than you ever imagined.

Some of us may have no choice in the matter. One fellow widower had to move because the house he lived in had been left to his wife’s children upon her death. This is not uncommon as estate settlements often can force the sale of a property.

Another widower I know choose to stay in the house he and his wife had lived in for decades. And he stayed there until his own passing several years later. For many this may be by choice or dictated by finances. For instance, in many states if you stay in your house you may retain a low property tax rate, or don’t have to worry about capital gains, or don’t have to pay the high fees often associated with new developments or condos.

I will soon be living in my fourth home in five years. My wife and I had once lived in just one home (the one we raised our two daughters in) for over 20 years. Now I am hopping around like the proverbial cat on a hot tin roof. What the heck brought this all on?

Well as Paul Harvey used to say, “Now for the rest of the story.” One year after my wife had passed, I looked around the large house I lived in and decided that it was just too much house for me to take care of for the rest of my life. At that same time I found a new Coop Condo development in Fort Collins that sounded like the answer to my prayers.

I made a deposit to purchase one of the units, which would not be completed for another year. My house then sold in about two weeks (back in 2016) so I had to find an apartment to rent. That led to my first move in many years. A year later the condo was completed, and I made my second move.

Then this year I was walking in the neighborhood where my girlfriend lives (we have been living apart together as they say) when we came across a beautiful home that had just come on the market. I knew right away that I wanted to buy this house.

Why? Well not only is it a beautiful home with a wonderful view and in a quiet and nice neighborhood, but it also has a neat backstory. My wife and I had looked at this house model and lot ten years ago and wanted to buy it. We could not quite afford it at that time. My girlfriend and her husband (since passed also) had looked at the same model and location around the same time as well.

This had that whole déjà vu thing going for it as well as a sense that this was where I belonged! I had never had that feeling about my new condo, but this particular house gave me that vibe! So, in the end, I will be making my third move into my fourth house in five years!

My message for all of you is, “Don’t be surprised if you end up having a completely different experience than you expected.” And this does not just apply to staying or selling your home. In all respects your life is now changing, and you cannot really anticipate all the different twists and turns it may take.

Some of you may remember the scene from the Steve Martin movie, Parenthood, where the family is all going crazy while trying to get out of the house for a big event.  Steve Martin’s character is at first having a meltdown, but then his mother tells him to just let it all happen and treat it like a roller coaster ride. The scene then evolves into a simulated roller coaster ride with him going up and down, in fear at first. Then he gets into the mood of it all and begins to enjoy it like a roller coaster ride. Before long all the anxiety and fear are gone, and he is able to allow it all to unfold naturally.

Our grief experience can seem like that sometimes, with many scary and out of control moments. But if you know to expect the unexpected, and know you can survive this, then you are better able to roll with the punches and adapt to whatever challenges and opportunities you may face.

So get on the roller coaster with me, and know that while it will have many scary moments there may also be some really wonderful opportunities and experiences.

© Copyright 2021 Fred Colby

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Watch for Fred Colby’s soon to be released 2nd Edition of Widower to Widower.