Posts tagged healing grief
WHY EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE IS CRITICAL
WHY EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE IS CRITICAL

Widowers, you can’t think your way out of this one!

Usually our analytical brains put our IQ (abstract reasoning, memory, and problem-solving) to work to solve whatever new challenge we are facing. But when we lose our wives, these old standbys fail us. Instead we have to turn to our Emotional Intelligence (EQ) to make some sense out of our scary new reality… BUT, we often find our EQ is woefully inadequate because of years of neglect.

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Widower, Widower blog, Widower Emotions, Widower Grief Experience, Widower Relationships, Widower Self HelpFred ColbyFred Colby, AuthorAI and Therapy, Behavior of a widower, Coping with death of wife, Deep grieving, healing grief, Stages of grief, How to heal after a spouse dies, overcoming widower isolation, widower problemsComment
GO TO THE LIGHT!
GO TO THE LIGHT!

When you are in a long dark tunnel, and trying to find your way out… do you continue down deeper into the darkness or do you go towards that pinpoint of light in the other direction?

So often when we are buried in grief we have trouble figuring out which way is good and which way is bad.

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Widower, Widower blog, Widower Emotions, Widower Grief, Widower Relationships, Widower Self HelpFred ColbyFred Colby, AuthorStages of grief, Behavior of a widower, overcoming widower isolation, healing grief, Survivor's guiltComment
CAN AI HELP WITH THERAPY?
CAN AI HELP WITH THERAPY?

What happens when you turn to AI for help with serious mental health challenges? Can it offer meaningful support as you grieve the loss of a partner of 40 years? It may quickly identify your struggles and suggest ways to cope. It can even sound highly empathetic and reassuring. But as vulnerable widowers, we can be influenced in ways that may not serve our best interests.

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Widower, Widower blog, Widower Grief Experience, Widower Self Help, Widower supportFred ColbyFred Colby, AuthorBehavior of a widower, overcoming widower isolation, Suicidal thoughts, healing grief, Therapy, AI and TherapyComment
WIDOWER'S FOG AND ANXIETY
WIDOWER'S FOG AND ANXIETY

Many, if not all of us, will experience what is commonly known as Widow’s/Widower’s Fog. Everything seems mushy and unclear, or you might feel unable to make decisions. You may be unable to concentrate on anything technical or challenging,…

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Widower, Widower blog, Widower Grief, Widower Grief Experience, Widower Relationships, Widower Self HelpFred ColbyFred Colby, Authorhealing grief, Behavior of a widower, Grief therapy, overcoming widower isolation, Reinventing yourself, Widower behaviorComment
ARE YOU GREEN, YELLOW OR RED?
ARE YOU GREEN, YELLOW OR RED?

As men we often just charge ahead and apply whatever solution we think is right based upon our own limited experience… no matter unhelpful it may be. Other times we may take the advice of a poorly informed friend or relative and take actions that are the exact opposite of what we should be doing…

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Widower Emotions, Widower blog, Widower, Widower Grief Experience, Widower Self Help, Widower supportFred ColbyFred Colby, Authorhealing grief, Behavior of a widower, Coping with death of wife, Death of Spouse, Grief therapy, How to heal after a spouse dies, how to help a grieving widowerComment
LIVING IN THE PAST?
LIVING IN THE PAST?

When we first enter deep grieving after losing our wives, we desperately try to hold on to her. This can include (as it did for me) going through all the old photos, slides, and mementos to try and keep her close. This leads us to continue living in the past, and not engaging in the present… or future.

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Widower, Widower blog, Widower Emotions, Widower Grief, Widower Grief Experience, Widower Self HelpFred ColbyFred Colby, Authorhealing grief, Behavior of a widower, Coping with death of wife, depression, Bereavement, What is a widower experiencing?, widowers asking for helpComment
NEGATIVITY BIAS
NEGATIVITY BIAS

When things are going badly, and certainly the death of your wife qualifies, it is easy to fall into a spiral of negativity. Whether you were inclined towards a negativity bias before or not, it is easy to think that:…

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Widower, Widower blog, Widower Emotions, Widower Grief, Widower Self HelpFred ColbyFred Colby, AuthorStages of grief, healing grief, Behavior of a widower, Coping with death of wife, Grief therapy, Widower memories, widower problems Comments
REJECTING FALSE GODS!
REJECTING FALSE GODS!

Whether you believe in God, Allah, Yahweh, or a spiritual universe, you probably have heard the phrase, “Don’t bow down to false gods.” When we are grieving, many false gods may tempt us and drag us into a pit of despair which can be hard to climb out of…

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Widower, Widower blog, Widower Emotions, Widower Grief Experience, Widower Self HelpFred ColbyFred Colby, Authorhealing grief, Behavior of a widower, Changes to expect for widower, Widower’s syndrome, Reinventing yourself, Grieving, widowers taking responsibility, Men’s Grief Groups, Coping with death of wife, anticipatory grief, Stages of grief, How to heal after a spouse diesComment
MAID, COOK, CONCUBINE, OR WIFE?
MAID, COOK, CONCUBINE, OR WIFE?

We speak often about how alone and desperate we feel after our wife has passed. And we know how this can lead to horrible decisions that can ruin your life going forward. So, what happens when we meet a possible “new best friend”? How do we know that our new friend is the “right one?”…

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Widower Relationships, Widower Grief Experience, Widower Self Help, Widowers and dating, WidowerFred ColbyFred Colby, Authorhealing grief, Widower blogs, overcoming widower isolation, Stages of grief, Coping with death of wife, Sex and WidowerComment
WE WILL CHANGE!
WE WILL CHANGE!

“We often don’t know how much something has come to define us until we lose it.” Maya Shankar, Cognitive Scientist

When our wives pass, we have no idea how much our lives are about to change. …

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Widower, Widower blog, Widower Grief Experience, Widower Self Help, Widower supportFred ColbyFred Colby, AuthorStages of grief, Behavior of a widower, Coping with death of wife, Deep grieving, Reinventing yourself, healing grief, Death of Spouse, Changes to expect for widowerComment
BEFORE AND AFTER GRIEF COPING STRATEGIES
BEFORE AND AFTER GRIEF COPING STRATEGIES

We are approaching Valentines Day which can often trigger even more pain, regret, and loneliness. Unfortunately, it follows our emotional roller coaster holidays. It’s like a grief train that won’t stop and let us off. What can we do to survive these and other grief inspired challenges?

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Widower Grief Experience, Widower Emotions, Widower blog, Widower, Widower Self HelpFred ColbyFred Colby, AuthorStages of grief, Behavior of a widower, Coping with death of wife, Widower scams, Men’s Grief Groups, Grief therapy, How to heal after a spouse dies, healing griefComment
LET YOUR BROTHERS IN GRIEF HELP YOU!
LET YOUR BROTHERS IN GRIEF HELP YOU!

… What we do want to share with others is so emotional, so painful, and so personal that we just don’t know how to communicate it. Let’s be blunt, men are awful when it comes to talking about feelings, desires, fears, and doubts…

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Widower, Widower blog, Widower Grief Experience, Widower Relationships, Widower supportFred ColbyFred Colby, Authorhealing grief, Behavior of a widower, Coping with death of wife, Men’s Grief Groups, Stages of grief, How to heal after a spouse dies, overcoming widower isolationComment
WIDOWERS AS UNICORNS – HOW IT AFFECTS DATING
WIDOWERS AS UNICORNS – HOW IT AFFECTS DATING

When you become a widower and begin to enter the dating scene, you may hear the term “unicorn” being bandied about by women you encounter during this period. I heard it often during the first couple of years after my wife passed.

Overall, this is a good thing!…

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Widower, Widower blog, Widower Emotions, Widower Grief Experience, Widower Relationships, Widower Self HelpFred ColbyFred Colby, Authordangers of dating for a widower, Changes to expect for widower, overcoming widower isolation, healing grief, Is a widower ready to date, Sex and WidowerComment
GRIEF + HOLIDAYS = MELTDOWNS?
GRIEF + HOLIDAYS = MELTDOWNS?

I found myself in a predicament one Thanksgiving eight years ago. It surprised me. Suddenly my grief (which I thought was under control 1½ years after my wife’s death) re-emerged full force. I escaped to my master closet and sunk down to my knees as full-on sobbing took over. For maybe five minutes I just let it run its course, and then suddenly it was over…

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Widower Emotions, Widower Grief, Widower Relationships, Widower Self Help, Widower blogFred ColbyFred Colby, AuthorWidower and the holidays, Stages of grief, Changes to expect for widower, Deep grieving, healing grief, overcoming widower isolation, Coping with death of wifeComment
WHAT NOW? SENIOR’S HOUSING OR ASSISTED LIVING?
WHAT NOW? SENIOR’S HOUSING OR ASSISTED LIVING?

Erroneous advice often comes when we are at our weakest point while stumbling through our first year or two of grieving. We may be too weak to resist these suggestions… especially if they come from our family, close friends, or trusted advisors…

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Widower, Widower blog, Widower Grief Experience, Widower Relationships, Widower Self HelpFred ColbyFred Colby, AuthorStages of grief, Behavior of a widower, overcoming widower isolation, healing grief, Coping with death of wifeComment
IS CONTENTMENT POSSIBLE?
IS CONTENTMENT POSSIBLE?

Remember that feeling of peace, that feeling of being comfortable with yourself, your circumstances, and your marriage? Maybe you were 10, 20, or even 30 years into your marriage before you reached this point. Many of us were fortunate enough to have achieved that blissful stage of existence… even if it was only for a few moments here and there…

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Widower, Widower blog, Widower Grief Experience, Widower Relationships, Widower Self HelpFred ColbyFred Colby, AuthorStages of grief, Behavior of a widower, Coping with death of wife, healing grief, How to heal after a spouse diesComment
LEAVE THE TOILET SEAT UP?
LEAVE THE TOILET SEAT UP?

If you were as well trained as I was, you learned early on in your marriage to always put the toilet seat down! There is nothing that can earn the wrath of your wife more than going to the bathroom in the dark at night and sitting down on a piss-wet cold toilet base…

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Widower, Widower blog, Widower Grief, Widower Relationships, Widower Self HelpFred ColbyFred Colby, Authorhealing grief, Behavior of a widower, Changes to expect for widower, Coping with death of wife, Widower IsolationComment
TABOO TOPICS – PART 2
TABOO TOPICS – PART 2

If you were fortunate enough to still share intimate moments with your wife before she passed, there is a good chance that you could experience intense desires for intimacy within days of her dying. And this can easily continue for months or even years…

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Widower, Widower blog, Widower Grief Experience, Widower RelationshipsFred ColbyFred Colby, AuthorWidower sexual behavior, Coping with death of wife, widower loneliness, healing grief, Is a widower ready to date, Sex and WidowerComment
TABOO WIDOWER TOPICS – Part 1
TABOO WIDOWER TOPICS – Part 1

Most widowers, even the more extroverted of us, tend to shy away from discussing topics that seem too personal, too sensitive, or just plain uncomfortable. As men, we are trained to keep these things to ourselves. So we just don’t discuss them privately or in public. The negative effects of this are bad enough during normal times… but much worse when we become a self-isolated, lonely, grieving widower wallowing in our sorrow and thoughts at home…

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Widower, Widower blog, Widower Grief Experience, Widower Self HelpFred ColbyFred Colby, Authorhealing grief, Behavior of a widower, Suicidal thoughts, Coping with death of wife, How to heal after a spouse diesComment