I found that each time I told my (and Theresa’s) story I would heal… just a little bit. It helped me to allow others into my grieving without me or them being intrusive. I could be completely honest about what I and my daughters were going through while still allowing myself private time for my grieving. I found it freeing and therapeutic.
Read MoreOne of the early signs that you might be pulling out of deep grieving and beginning to heal is the first time you laugh at a memory of your wife.
At first you may recoil at the fact that you are laughing at something she did, thinking you are betraying her and should suffer now and forever…
Read MoreWhen you first realize that you now have some unexpected options, you may not want them. They may scare you, embarrass you, or make you feel guilty.
Why? Because during the first few months of grieving the last thing you will want to think about are the choices that lie before you….
Read More…many of us feel lost and abandoned after our wives pass away. Our sense of purpose is often taken from us and we feel like a rudderless power boat spinning aimlessly on the ocean of life. It is scary, and for many of us, there do not appear to be any answers.
Read MoreShortly after my wife of 45 years passed in 2015, I found myself buried in grief. I knew I was in trouble and could not find the answers by myself. So, I asked, “Where can I go for help?” I knew a little about therapy but had never really taken advantage of it.
For many of us, choosing therapy may lead to having to make a choice: “Do I turn to a church for help? Or, do I turn to secular organizations for help?”
Read MoreHow do you steel yourself against the trauma of upcoming special days and holidays. We each may have very different experiences during these special days.
Read MoreUnfortunately, we cannot stop the world and get off when our wife passes. So, we end up adding this humongous load of grief on top of everything else going on….
Read MoreOn the evening of June 29, 2015, I began a journey for which I was ill-prepared. After holding my wife as she passed, I entered the grieving experience with no idea of what to expect along the way.
For the first couple of weeks, I experienced the “Numbing Period.”
Read MoreAsk yourself: “What would your wife want for you? Would she want you to be circling the drain of self-induced pain and grief, or would she want you to be active, reengaged with life, and continuing to find ways to love and be loved?”
Read MoreIt is easy during the first year or so after your wife’s passing to become so immersed in your own grief that you ignore the grief others are feeling. Let’s face it, during this time our grief is overwhelming! It often blocks out everything else so that we are unaware of much that’s going on around us, even though our survival depends in part on our ability to maintain our most important relationships.
Read More“My wife, she's still a nice person but she has no patience anymore and it's like we're fighting a constant battle… I'm facing terrible depression. I am a strong person but everybody does have a breaking point.” (T. Kemp)
Read MoreA friend who recently lost his wife and I were commiserating recently over how damned lonely we were soon after losing our wives. This is despite our backgrounds which included interacting with hundreds (if not thousands) of people yearly.
Read MoreI certainly don’t know everything! And… more than likely, neither do you.
One of the biggest shocks upon entering deep grieving as a widower is the realization of how ill-prepared we are to deal with it… much less survive it!…
Read MoreOften after our wives pass, another crisis will come along that shakes us and causes us to confront our current state of thinking about our life going forward. This may be just what is needed to wake us and point us into a more promising future…
Read MoreWhen our wives pass, we often ask, “How we can remember, honor, and love them going forward?” That is a huge question for many of us. The answer often plays a major role in how we process and heal our grief…
Read MoreWhether quoting from Wayne’s World or the Bible, the phrase “I am not worthy” may describe how we feel at times after our wives pass away. A ritual of self-condemnation and feelings of inadequacy often overwhelm us, especially when we are alone. It is so easy to fall into a pattern of blaming ourselves or others….
Read MoreShortly after my wife’s death, I went to the mountains by myself for a week and screamed as loud and often as I wanted to. But now, years later, I no longer feel the anger I felt then. I now forget how easy it was to cut myself off from everyone and to let the anger and depression take over my life.
Read MoreOK… I confess. My girlfriend enticed me into watching The Golden Bachelor in which 73-year-old Gerry Turner (a widower since 2017) meets, dates, and engages in numerous activities (dancing, 3-wheeling, Pickleball, and more) while trying to determine if one of 22 women “candidates” would be someone to spend the rest of his life with. In the process, Gerry frequently finds himself in surprisingly emotional circumstances… and often cries unashamedly on camera…
Read MoreSince your wife died, how often have you been thoroughly confused by the kindness of women towards you? How often have you, even though you know it is wrong, thought there might be something there? I am not embarrassed to tell you that I had many such instances….
Read MoreJust try to be angry and grateful at the same time. Hard, isn’t it?
It is difficult because the focus on one interferes with your ability to do the other…
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