8 Newbie Widower Mistakes

During the first year of being a widower, we often find ourselves:

·        Unable to sleep more than 2 – 4 hours a night,

·        Sinking into a depression with constant sobbing,

·        Unable to determine what is real and what is unreal,

·        Craving to have a woman in our lives,

·        Losing focus on what we are trying to work on, or

·        Unable to communicate with others.

Does this sound like a good place to be when trying to make life-altering decisions? Hell no! During that first year, we are extremely vulnerable and easily misled by both ourselves and others.

And yet, many of us do make what can be ill-fated decisions that can really mess up our:

·        physical mental, and financial health,

·        employment status,

·        relationships with family & friends,

·        living arrangements, and

·        marital status.

Any of the following newbie widower mistakes can create situations that cannot be undone. They can lead to complicated grief or widower’s syndrome. These long-lasting effects may take years of therapy, mending fences, and corrective actions to undo the harm already done. And these difficulties often lead to growing issues with alcohol and drugs which only make all other problems worse.

So, what kinds of widower mistakes am I talking about? The following are just a few of the many I have heard firsthand from my fellow widowers or have experienced myself. They include, but are certainly not limited to:

1.      Allowing friends or family members to talk you into distributing furniture, cash, cars, and other assets before you are mentally capable of making good decisions.

2.      Letting others talk you into major financial decisions such as selling your home, refinancing, investing your wife’s savings or insurance money into some venture, or selling something to others for a low-ball price.

3.      Starting to date women you don’t even know before your emotional state settles down and you can distinguish between those who are genuine and those who are looking for someone to take advantage of.

4.      Marrying someone in the first year after losing your wife (happens way too often).

5.      Selling your home and all your assets, and then hitting the road with no way back.

6.      Quitting your job or selling your business too fast before you are able to look at the options objectively.

7.      Not recognizing health issues when they emerge and going to the doctor (over 50% of us have a major health issue in the first year after losing our wives).

8.      Taking our anger and frustration out on our family and friends, effectively driving them away from us when we need them the most.

ONE YEAR RULE: These and many other mistakes are not someone’s imagination, they are real occurrences that happen over and over again. They are the reason that you hear grief therapists, authors, and others constantly repeat the mantra, “Do not make any major decisions for at least one year after losing your wife.”

I know you might think that you are the exception and that you can get away with making these rookie widower mistakes, but I can tell you that there is a good chance that you are wrong. So please, no matter which of these mistakes you are considering making, please at least pause, talk to someone, and think it through carefully before moving forward.

© Copyright 2022 Fred Colby

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