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Addressing grief, loneliness, pain, relationships, fear, doubt, loss of control, and more. Drawing upon personal experience, research, lessons learned, and input from thousands of widowers since 2016. Helping fellow widowers through 180,000 readings to date.

Posts in Widower Grief Experience

Avoiding Downward Spirals

Avoiding Downward Spirals

We often ask, “How can I survive this?” During these times, the siren call of alcohol and drugs may be strong. I was very tempted to drink more, try weed, or take pain pills. I thought this would help ease my pain and let me forget what I was experiencing…

Widower, Widower Self Help, Widower Grief, Widower Grief ExperienceFred ColbyMay 14, 2023Fred Colby, AuthorStages of grief, What is a widower experiencing?, Behavior of a widower, overcoming widower isolation, Men’s Grief Groups, Healing Grief Comments

I Was Supposed to Die First!

I Was Supposed to Die First!

Almost every widower I have met, emailed, or spoken to has at some point said this to me. I certainly felt that way after my wife passed in 2015…This sense of feeling that “I should have died before she did” can lead to feelings of survivor’s guilt, as well as deep regret for not being able to “save” her.

Widower, Widower blog, Widower Grief Experience, Widower Self HelpFred ColbyApril 19, 2023Fred Colby, AuthorHealing Grief, Behavior of a widower, Widower’s complicated grief, Widower’s syndrome, Death of Spouse, Survivor's guiltComment

Widowers and Self-Punishment

Widowers and Self-Punishment

In many cultures and religions, self-flagellation is accepted as an appropriate way to drive the demons, bad thoughts, and immoral behaviors out of oneself. Often, movies depict this with a person whipping themselves with a short whip or leather braids.

Now while we may not resort to this kind of physical purging, we often do participate in a form of self-flagellation which can be just as harmful and self-defeating…

Widower, Widower blog, Widower Grief Experience, Widower Self HelpFred ColbyMarch 6, 2023Fred Colby, AuthorBehavior of a widower, Stages of grief, Coping with complicated grief, Widower syndrome Comments

7 Steps Before, During, and After Her Death

7 Steps Before, During, and After Her Death

You had a romantic wedding, celebrated the birth of children, and got comfortable with your happily-ever-after life. Then tragedy struck and you realized how fragile the human body can be. Suddenly, you faced the prospect of seeing the source of your happily-ever-after life take her last breath…

Widower, Widower blog, Widower Grief Experience, Widower Self HelpFred ColbyFebruary 5, 2023Fred Colby, AuthorHealing Grief, anticipatory grief, Widower syndrome, How to heal after a spouse dies, Stages of grief Comments

Grieving's Impact on Family Relationships

Grieving's Impact on Family Relationships

After my wife’s death, I became increasingly concerned about my ability to make sound decisions. At times the world around me seemed surreal… and I often wanted to shut the door on everyone and just hide in my grief.

As I began to recognize the impact of these issues on me, I became fearful that I would make bad decisions that might threaten my relationships…

Widower, Widower blog, Widower Grief Experience, Widower Relationships, Widower Self HelpFred ColbyJanuary 11, 2023Fred Colby, AuthorHealing Grief, overcoming widower isolation, Widower’s syndrome, widower lonelinessComment

First-Ever Date? Girlfriend? or Lover?

First-Ever Date? Girlfriend? or Lover?

Was your wife the first woman/girl you ever:

· dated?

· kissed?

· asked to become your girlfriend?

· made love to?

Widower, Widower blog, Widower Grief, Widower Grief Experience, Widower Relationships, Widower Self HelpFred ColbyOctober 30, 2022Fred Colby, AuthorWidower’s syndrome, Is a widower ready to date, Behavior of a widower, widower building new relationshipsComment

Accepting Your Partner’s Faults

Accepting Your Partner’s Faults

Many of us who lose a close loved one, tend to idealize them. This is carried to the max when the loved one was your wife of many years. All her faults, bad habits, odd behaviors that drove you nuts, and even those moments of disagreement seem to just disappear.

Widower, Widower Grief Experience, Widower Relationships, Widower Self HelpFred ColbySeptember 23, 2022Fred Colby, AuthorStages of grief, Behavior of a widower, Death of Spouse, Idealization of spouse Comments

Do I Need Counseling, Therapy, or Coaching?

Do I Need Counseling, Therapy, or Coaching?

If you already have all the answers, don’t waste your time asking others for help… because you won’t be able to hear any advice that is offered, no matter how good it is. However, if you feel lost and are ready to hear what others can share with you, then by all means ask for help… and the sooner the better.

Widower, Widower blog, Widower Grief Experience, Widower Self HelpFred ColbySeptember 11, 2022Fred Colby, AuthorWidower Health, Widower blogs, Widower syndrome, Coping with complicated grief, Men’s Grief Groups, Behavior of a widowerComment

Loneliness Amplifies Anger, Guilt, and Regrets

Loneliness Amplifies Anger, Guilt, and Regrets

During an overwhelming sense of loneliness, guilt, anger, and regrets can become amplified to levels that overwhelm you. If you are not careful, this can lead to complicated grief with even deeper sorrow and depression.

Widower Relationships, Widower Self Help, Widower Grief Experience, Widower blogFred ColbyApril 6, 2022Fred Colby, AuthorWidower’s syndrome, Widower’s complicated grief, Behavior of a widower Comments

Healing Through Empathy

Healing Through Empathy

Empathy is critical to healing grief. For me, it was second only to gratitude as a skill that I had to develop in order to pull myself out of the deep depression and suffering I experienced during the first year of my grieving. Many widowers find their ability to be empathetic to others is greatly enhanced after the loss of their wives.

Widower Grief Experience, Widower Self Help, Widower Relationships, Widower support, Widower blogFred ColbyMarch 21, 2022Fred Colby, AuthorWidower blogs, Widower syndrome, Behavior of a widower, How to heal after a spouse dies Comments

Building Resiliency Despite Multiple Deaths

Building Resiliency Despite Multiple Deaths

Two years after my wife’s death, almost to the week, my mother passed away. As I gathered with my five siblings to honor our mom, I could not help but notice the difference in the grieving process….

Widower, Widower blog, Widower Grief Experience, Widower Self HelpFred ColbyMarch 8, 2022Fred Colby, AuthorBehavior of a widower, Widower’s syndrome, widower loneliness, Healing Grief, how to help a grieving widower Comments

Grief Changes Us

Grief Changes Us

Grief, really deep grief, can change you! I see examples of this change through my men’s grief group, responses to my online blogs, online widowers’ groups, and chance meetings I have with fellow widowers in my community. This change does not happen overnight, it can take months if not years to happen.

Widower Self Help, Widower Grief ExperienceFred ColbyFebruary 22, 2022Fred Colby, AuthorWidower blogs, Widower syndrome, Widower Health, What is a widower experiencing?, Behavior of a widower Comments

Widower: Confronting Valentine Triggers and Reactions

Widower: Confronting Valentine Triggers and Reactions

Valentine’s Day, like birthdays and other special days, may bring back painful memories that set us back in our healing process. Knowing this in advance can help us to prepare so we can overcome their impacts…

Widower Self Help, Widower Relationships, Widower Grief ExperienceFred ColbyFebruary 7, 2022Fred Colby, AuthorWidower Health, Widower blogs, Widower syndrome, Behavior of a widower Comments

Can You Heal While Living in the Past?

Can You Heal While Living in the Past?

When we first enter deep grieving after losing our wives, we often do everything we can think of to hold on to her. This can include (as it did for me) going through all the old photos, slides, and mementos to try and keep her close and to live in the past.

A part of us has been ripped away, and we don’t want to let it go.

Widower blog, Widower Grief Experience, Widower Self HelpFred ColbyDecember 13, 2021Fred Colby, AuthorWidower’s syndrome, Widower Health, widowers asking for help, Widower memoriesComment

Be a Better Friend ... to Yourself!

Be a Better Friend ... to Yourself!

So often during our deep grieving we fall into the trap of condemning ourselves, dwelling on our regrets, and/or doubting ourselves. Instead of celebrating the great marriage we had and honoring our wives, we turn on ourselves and focus on the negatives….

Widower Self Help, Widower Grief Experience, Widower Grief, Widower blogFred ColbyNovember 29, 2021Fred Colby, AuthorWidower Health, Widower’s syndrome, widowers asking for help, Behavior of a widower Comments

WHERE CAN I GET HELP?

WHERE CAN I GET HELP?

If you are a widower looking for help, ideas, or support, this blog is for you! At this time of year many of us have a difficult time getting through all the poignant reminders of our spouse. This is NOT the time to be the silent loner. It is the time to reach out to others, and let them help you if they are able to.

Widower blog, Widower Grief Experience, Widower Self HelpFred ColbyNovember 1, 2021Fred Colby, AuthorWidower Health, Widower’s syndrome, Widower Self Help, Behavior of a widowerComment

WHAT TO SAY, NOT SAY, AND I SAY …. TO A NEW WIDOWER

WHAT TO SAY, NOT SAY, AND I SAY …. TO A NEW WIDOWER

I recently was asked during a radio interview to summarize my advice to the friends and family of a widower on what to say or not say to them. The following are some highlights of our conversation…

Widower Grief Experience, Widower Relationships, Widower Self HelpFred ColbyOctober 19, 2021Widower blogs, Widower’s syndrome, Death of Spouse, Widower Families Comments

Financial Landmines

Financial Landmines

My father died when he was 33 years of age, so I realized the importance of getting my finances in order while still young… Eventually when I came out of deep grieving, I realized that everything about our finances had been structured for her survival, not mine.

Widower Self Help, Widower Grief Experience, Widower blogFred ColbySeptember 14, 2021Fred Colby, AuthorBlogs for widowers, Healing Grief, Widower’s syndrome, Widower behaviorComment

What We Share with Fellow Widowers

What We Share with Fellow Widowers

All widowers have something in common… we are going, or have gone, through hell on earth….

We can support each other by sharing that which was common in our experience, as well as by sharing that which was unique to us….

Widower Grief ExperienceFred ColbySeptember 6, 2021Fred Colby, Authorwidowers asking for help, Widower blogs, Widower’s syndromeComment

Peace and Serenity Six Years Later

Peace and Serenity Six Years Later

As I recently sat on the porch swing looking out over the green fields, pond, and river before me I realized just how different things are for me now, compared to six years ago after losing my wife of 45 years…

Widower Self Help, Widower Relationships, Widower Grief ExperienceFred ColbyJune 18, 2021Fred Colby, Authorwidower embracing grief, Widower’s syndrome, Widower blogs, Stages of grief Comments