Grief, really deep grief, can change you! I see examples of this change through my men’s grief group, responses to my online blogs, online widowers’ groups, and chance meetings I have with fellow widowers in my community. This change does not happen overnight, it can take months if not years to happen.
Read MoreValentine’s Day, like birthdays and other special days, may bring back painful memories that set us back in our healing process. Knowing this in advance can help us to prepare so we can overcome their impacts…
Read MoreAfter our wife passes, many of us will ask the question we desperately want an answer to:
“Does she still exist? Is she still aware of me? Can she hear me or see me? Is there any way for me to communicate with her?”…
Read MoreHave you ever been the one to make everyone in the room suddenly freeze, their puzzled sights pointed in your direction after asking something that seemed completely okay at the time?
When a 32-year-old woman by the username u/Ideal-Mind3099 decided to ask her new colleague “James”, a recent widower, about the wedding band on his finger – things went into an opposite direction from what she expected….
Read MoreWhen we first enter deep grieving after losing our wives, we often do everything we can think of to hold on to her. This can include (as it did for me) going through all the old photos, slides, and mementos to try and keep her close and to live in the past.
A part of us has been ripped away, and we don’t want to let it go.
Read MoreSo often during our deep grieving we fall into the trap of condemning ourselves, dwelling on our regrets, and/or doubting ourselves. Instead of celebrating the great marriage we had and honoring our wives, we turn on ourselves and focus on the negatives….
Read MoreIf you are a widower looking for help, ideas, or support, this blog is for you! At this time of year many of us have a difficult time getting through all the poignant reminders of our spouse. This is NOT the time to be the silent loner. It is the time to reach out to others, and let them help you if they are able to.
Read MoreI recently was asked during a radio interview to summarize my advice to the friends and family of a widower on what to say or not say to them. The following are some highlights of our conversation…
Read MoreMy father died when he was 33 years of age, so I realized the importance of getting my finances in order while still young… Eventually when I came out of deep grieving, I realized that everything about our finances had been structured for her survival, not mine.
Read MoreAfter the loss of our wives, many of us face the question, “Should I sell my house?” and the follow-up question, “Where will I go if I sell it?”
You may find, as I did, that the answer to the first is….
Read MoreAs I recently sat on the porch swing looking out over the green fields, pond, and river before me I realized just how different things are for me now, compared to six years ago after losing my wife of 45 years…
Read MoreBesides experiencing an overwhelming and sometimes terrifying loneliness, for widowers the loss of their wife can often leave them feeling lost and without direction. As husbands we often feel that providing for our family (our wife in particular), is our first and most important purpose. With her gone you cannot help but ask, “What is my purpose now?”
Read MoreEvery widower will at some point face the question, “Should I move out of my house?”… There is a sort of push-pull relationship with the home, in which you want to escape it…. But also want to retreat to its familiar arms…
Read MoreThat was my reaction when I recently found out that I had prostate cancer and would have to start treatment soon. When you get prostate cancer, suddenly everyone you know is dealing with the same or a similar problem… We widowers seem to be primed to get all kinds of serious illnesses within a year or two of our wives passing.
Read MoreA widower, and married man, and a divorced man walk into a bar and the bartenders asks, “What will it be gentlemen?”…
Read MoreA kind word can save a widower. Amazing, but true! When a widower is buried in grief, just one kind word from someone can make their grief bearable and make their chances of surviving their grief intact more likely. More than once a friend called me at just the right time and offered kind words of support, or to meet with me, or to help in some way….
Read MoreHave you ever known someone who is so kind, so caring, so considerate and so wanting to please you and everyone around them that they drive you kind-of-crazy? In response, do you bristle, offer abrupt answers to their questions, and/or push them away every time you are around them.
Well, that may be the feeling that you have around everyone after you lose your wife….
Read MoreThis blog is for all widowers who are struggling with grieving and isolation.
As widowers we often are advised to avoid self-isolation….In normal times we are told to get out, try new activities, meet new people, and reach out to those who still love us and are in our life. All of this is critical to eventual healing.
But now we are often advised to isolate-in-place due to COVID–19.
Read MoreOne of my mantras as a widower is: “It will never be the same again!” This is never more obvious than during the holidays. Because holiday memories are so unforgettable and because they are so important to the family as a unit, the loss of your wife just makes these days especially difficult to deal with. COVID 19 has only compounded the problems.
Read MoreNothing can be more disconcerting for sons and daughters than to see their father cry, especially full out sobbing! Friends, family, workmates and children can often become fearful and at a total loss as to how to respond when a widower breaks down in tears.
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