If you want to heal to survive this hell-on-earth experience, you will have to grow as a person… as a father, brother, son, friend, and/or community member. If you retreat from the world to stew in your grief and anger, that is where you will likely remain…
Read MoreWe often ask, “How can I survive this?” During these times, the siren call of alcohol and drugs may be strong. I was very tempted to drink more, try weed, or take pain pills. I thought this would help ease my pain and let me forget what I was experiencing…
Read MoreAlmost every widower I have met, emailed, or spoken to has at some point said this to me. I certainly felt that way after my wife passed in 2015…This sense of feeling that “I should have died before she did” can lead to feelings of survivor’s guilt, as well as deep regret for not being able to “save” her.
Read MoreWhen your new widow girlfriend feels like she is cheating on her deceased husband, what do you do? Or maybe you are the one feeling like you are cheating on your dead wife. Are these feelings normal? How do you deal with this without blowing up your new relationship?…
Read MoreAre you old enough to remember the Dating Game television show? A man or woman would sit on one side of a screen, while three suitors sat on the other side. The contestant would then ask a series of silly questions designed to bring out responses that would entertain the audience while the contestant tried to figure out which of the three was the best match for a date. Sort of a speed Bachelorette show, only with fewer tears.
Read MoreIn many cultures and religions, self-flagellation is accepted as an appropriate way to drive the demons, bad thoughts, and immoral behaviors out of oneself. Often, movies depict this with a person whipping themselves with a short whip or leather braids.
Now while we may not resort to this kind of physical purging, we often do participate in a form of self-flagellation which can be just as harmful and self-defeating…
Read MoreYou had a romantic wedding, celebrated the birth of children, and got comfortable with your happily-ever-after life. Then tragedy struck and you realized how fragile the human body can be. Suddenly, you faced the prospect of seeing the source of your happily-ever-after life take her last breath…
Read MoreAfter your wife dies you realize that your concept of love has transformed over the years into something much more powerful and meaningful. To expect that you can replicate that with a new girlfriend after dating her just a few times and within the first year after your wife passes is often illogical.
Read MoreAfter my wife’s death, I became increasingly concerned about my ability to make sound decisions. At times the world around me seemed surreal… and I often wanted to shut the door on everyone and just hide in my grief.
As I began to recognize the impact of these issues on me, I became fearful that I would make bad decisions that might threaten my relationships…
Read MoreA year prior to my wife’s passing, she began to experience some upsetting physical conditions, including skin rashes and stress. This continued for a while with her unable to determine the cause or to find solutions after visiting a couple of doctors.
Around that time, she began criticizing almost anything that I did….
Read MoreOne day after a particularly bad night I was driven to take a hard look at myself and where I was going. It was not a pretty picture. After some deep thought and prayer, I came up with a clear purpose statement to guide me going forward…
Read MoreWas your wife the first woman/girl you ever:
· dated?
· kissed?
· asked to become your girlfriend?
· made love to?
Read MoreRobin Williams, Richard Nixon, Oprah Winfrey, Ernest Hemingway, Vincent Van Gogh, Marilyn Monroe, John Steinbeck, George Washington, John F Kennedy, Abraham Lincoln, and many others struggled with their self-esteem and thought themselves imposters at some point during their lifetime.
As widowers, we often experience the same self-doubts.
Read MoreSex in particular can entice us away from those long-held beliefs which have served as our foundation for years. In the wrong hands, it can be used to blind us and turn us to less ethical or honorable practices.
Read MoreMany of us who lose a close loved one, tend to idealize them. This is carried to the max when the loved one was your wife of many years. All her faults, bad habits, odd behaviors that drove you nuts, and even those moments of disagreement seem to just disappear.
Read MoreIf you already have all the answers, don’t waste your time asking others for help… because you won’t be able to hear any advice that is offered, no matter how good it is. However, if you feel lost and are ready to hear what others can share with you, then by all means ask for help… and the sooner the better.
Read MoreDuring the first year of being a widower, we often find ourselves:
· Unable to sleep more than 2 – 4 hours a night,
· Sinking into a depression with constant sobbing,
· Unable to determine what is real and what is unreal,
· Craving to have a woman in our lives,
· Losing focus on what we are trying to work on, or
· Unable to communicate with others.
Does this sound like a good place to be when trying to make life-altering decisions? Hell no!
Read MoreDuring an overwhelming sense of loneliness, guilt, anger, and regrets can become amplified to levels that overwhelm you. If you are not careful, this can lead to complicated grief with even deeper sorrow and depression.
Read MoreEmpathy is critical to healing grief. For me, it was second only to gratitude as a skill that I had to develop in order to pull myself out of the deep depression and suffering I experienced during the first year of my grieving. Many widowers find their ability to be empathetic to others is greatly enhanced after the loss of their wives.
Read MoreTwo years after my wife’s death, almost to the week, my mother passed away. As I gathered with my five siblings to honor our mom, I could not help but notice the difference in the grieving process….
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