Matt Damon and Ben Affleck seem an unlikely pair to be teaching Widowers how to heal and regain purpose and joy in their lives. But in fact, they are a great example for us to follow….

Widower Relationships, Widower Grief Experience, Widower support, Widower, Widower blogFred ColbyMarch 11, 2024Fred Colby, AuthorBehavior of a widower, Men’s Grief Groups, Healing Grief, Coping with death of wifeComment

OVERCOMING LONELINESS AND SUICIDAL THOUGHTS

… Men are not supposed to show grief, because we are men. I call BS on that one, and here is where our worlds overlap. Did you know that 80% of all suicides in America are committed by men? Read that again, and let’s go upstream and talk about mental health.

One of the risk factors for suicide is the loss of a relationship…. we must be on our A-game to guard against intrusive thoughts like suicide, and most of these occur when we are alone. So, let’s look at loneliness a bit…

Widower, Widower blog, Widower Grief, Widower Relationships, Widower supportFred ColbyFebruary 5, 2024Fred Colby, Authorwidower loneliness, Behavior of a widower, Suicidal thoughts, Coping with complicated grief, Deep grievingComment

YOU CAN’T PLEASE EVERYONE

We widowers often hear that soon after the death of our wives we will lose many friends and possibly some family ties. This frequently occurs despite our best efforts to maintain these previously reliable and important relationships. This can result in…

Widower, Widower blog, Widower Grief, Widower Relationships, Widower Self HelpFred ColbyJanuary 9, 2024Fred Colby, AuthorDeath of Spouse, Coping with death of wife, Widower’s syndrome, How a widower can keep their relationshipsComment

NEW YEAR - NEW YOU - NEW RELATIONSHIPS?

Often after our wives pass, another crisis will come along that shakes us and causes us to confront our current state of thinking about our life going forward. This may be just what is needed to wake us and point us into a more promising future…

Widower, Widower blog, Widower Grief, Widower Relationships, Widower Self HelpFred ColbyDecember 25, 2023Fred Colby, Authorhealing grief, Coping with death of wife, overcoming widower isolation, widower lonelinessComment

IN HER NAME

When our wives pass, we often ask, “How we can remember, honor, and love them going forward?” That is a huge question for many of us. The answer often plays a major role in how we process and heal our grief…

Widower Relationships, Widower Grief Experience, Widower, Widower blogFred ColbyDecember 11, 2023Fred Colby, Authorhealing grief, widower embracing grief, Widower syndrome, widower loneliness, Coping with death of wifeComment

We Are Worthy!!

Whether quoting from Wayne’s World or the Bible, the phrase “I am not worthy” may describe how we feel at times after our wives pass away. A ritual of self-condemnation and feelings of inadequacy often overwhelm us, especially when we are alone. It is so easy to fall into a pattern of blaming ourselves or others….

Widower, Widower blog, Widower Relationships, Widower Grief ExperienceFred ColbyNovember 27, 2023Fred Colby, AuthorStages of grief, Behavior of a widower, overcoming widower isolation, Widower syndrome, healing griefComment

Why Are Some Widowers So Angry?

Shortly after my wife’s death, I went to the mountains by myself for a week and screamed as loud and often as I wanted to. But now, years later, I no longer feel the anger I felt then. I now forget how easy it was to cut myself off from everyone and to let the anger and depression take over my life.

Widower, Widower blog, Widower Relationships, Widower Self HelpFred ColbyNovember 8, 2023Fred Colby, Authorhealing grief, Behavior of a widower, Widower syndrome, Stages of griefComment

WHY DOES GERRY TURNER CRY SO MUCH?

OK… I confess. My girlfriend enticed me into watching The Golden Bachelor in which 73-year-old Gerry Turner (a widower since 2017) meets, dates, and engages in numerous activities (dancing, 3-wheeling, Pickleball, and more) while trying to determine if one of 22 women “candidates” would be someone to spend the rest of his life with. In the process, Gerry frequently finds himself in surprisingly emotional circumstances… and often cries unashamedly on camera…

Widower, Widower blog, Widower Grief Experience, Widower Relationships, Widower Self HelpFred ColbyOctober 24, 2023Fred Colby, AuthorJerry Turner, Golden Bachelor, Stages of grief, Widower memories, Grief therapy, healing griefComment

ANGRY AND GRATEFUL AT THE SAME TIME?

Just try to be angry and grateful at the same time. Hard, isn’t it?

It is difficult because the focus on one interferes with your ability to do the other…

Widower, Widower blog, Widower Grief Experience, Widower RelationshipsFred ColbySeptember 18, 2023Fred Colby, AuthorStages of grief, healing grief, Behavior of a widower, overcoming widower isolation, BereavementComment

YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU THINK YOU CANNOT!

How often have you said or thought, “I can’t do that! I am not good at it and never will be.”… After your wife passes, you may be faced with doing many things that you think you cannot do.

Widower blog, Widower Grief, Widower Grief Experience, Widower Self HelpFred ColbySeptember 5, 2023Fred Colby, Authorhealing grief, Widower’s complicated grief, Widower syndrome, How to heal after a spouse diesComment

I Don’t Want to Heal!

Are you floating in a sea of grief with only a life vest of memories keeping you afloat? If you are not careful that life vest can become a diving weight belt of anger, regrets, and fear that drags you down into depression…

Widower blog, Widower Grief, Widower Grief Experience, Widower Self Help, WidowerFred ColbyAugust 21, 2023Fred Colby, Authorhealing grief, Stages of grief, widower embracing grief, Grief therapy, How to heal after a spouse diesComment

WHAT DO GERVAIS, BACKMAN, HANKS AND GERRY TURNER HAVE IN COMMON?

There is an upsurge in interest in widowers and their grief journeys due to these four men who have brought open and frank discussions of the topic to the forefront. We believe this will help break down barriers for many widowers and those who love them…

Widower, Widower blog, Widower Grief Experience, Widower Self Help, Widowers and datingFred ColbyAugust 8, 2023Fred Colby, AuthorDeath of Spouse, Behavior of a widower, widower resources, Widower’s syndrome, Deep grieving, healing grief, Golden Bachelor, Gerry TurnerComment

Are You Talking to Others?

After the loss of our wives, many of us find ourselves unable to communicate effectively with others. Even those of us who come from careers in communication may find ourselves suddenly at a loss for words… Learning to communicate with others again is not only vital for us to heal but also critical if we want to re-engage with life again in any meaningful way.

Widower Relationships, Widower Grief, Widower blog, Widower Self HelpFred ColbyJuly 10, 2023Fred Colby, Authorhealing grief, Behavior of a widower, overcoming widower isolation, Healing Grief, How to heal after a spouse dies, widower lonelinessComment

You Can Heal Now!

If you want to heal to survive this hell-on-earth experience, you will have to grow as a person… as a father, brother, son, friend, and/or community member. If you retreat from the world to stew in your grief and anger, that is where you will likely remain…

Widower Grief Experience, Widower blog, Widower, Widower Self HelpFred ColbyJune 16, 2023Fred Colby, AuthorHealing Grief, overcoming widower isolation, Death of Spouse, Men’s Grief Groups, Grief therapy, healing griefComment

Father's Day Message For Children of Widowers

If your dad is a recent widower, there are ways you can help him on Father's Day while also strengthening your family relationships. To ignore Father’s Day can be a missed opportunity, and even a mistake that injects another layer of separation between the father and children…

Widower Relationships, Widower Grief Experience, Widower blogFred ColbyMay 30, 2023Fred Colby, AuthorHealing Grief, overcoming widower isolation, Widower Families, Behavior of a widower, Father's DayComment

I Was Supposed to Die First!

Almost every widower I have met, emailed, or spoken to has at some point said this to me. I certainly felt that way after my wife passed in 2015…This sense of feeling that “I should have died before she did” can lead to feelings of survivor’s guilt, as well as deep regret for not being able to “save” her.

Widower, Widower blog, Widower Grief Experience, Widower Self HelpFred ColbyApril 19, 2023Fred Colby, AuthorHealing Grief, Behavior of a widower, Widower’s complicated grief, Widower’s syndrome, Death of Spouse, Survivor's guiltComment

When Widows or Widowers Feel Like They Are Cheating – What Do You Do?

When your new widow girlfriend feels like she is cheating on her deceased husband, what do you do? Or maybe you are the one feeling like you are cheating on your dead wife. Are these feelings normal? How do you deal with this without blowing up your new relationship?…

Widower, Widower blog, Widower Relationships, Widower Self Help, Widowers and datingFred ColbyApril 4, 2023Fred Colby, AuthorStages of grief, Widower syndrome, Behavior of a widower, Grief therapy, Is a widower ready to date Comments

Dating Game

Are you old enough to remember the Dating Game television show? A man or woman would sit on one side of a screen, while three suitors sat on the other side. The contestant would then ask a series of silly questions designed to bring out responses that would entertain the audience while the contestant tried to figure out which of the three was the best match for a date. Sort of a speed Bachelorette show, only with fewer tears.

Widower, Widower blog, Widower Relationships, Widower Self Help, Widowers and datingFred ColbyMarch 20, 2023Fred Colby, AuthorHealing Grief, Behavior of a widower, overcoming widower isolation, Grief therapy, Is a widower ready to date Comments

Widowers and Self-Punishment

In many cultures and religions, self-flagellation is accepted as an appropriate way to drive the demons, bad thoughts, and immoral behaviors out of oneself. Often, movies depict this with a person whipping themselves with a short whip or leather braids.

Now while we may not resort to this kind of physical purging, we often do participate in a form of self-flagellation which can be just as harmful and self-defeating…

Widower, Widower blog, Widower Grief Experience, Widower Self HelpFred ColbyMarch 6, 2023Fred Colby, AuthorBehavior of a widower, Stages of grief, Coping with complicated grief, Widower syndrome Comments

Our Role Changes After Loss

When our wife passes, we suddenly lose our Home-Life as we knew it. If we are still working, we are often forgiven if we suddenly become buried in our Work-Life. This can be unhealthy and lead to medical, emotional, and mental issues which can spiral into major problems….

Widower, Widower blog, Widower Grief, Widower RelationshipsFred ColbyFebruary 24, 2023Fred Colby, AuthorWidower’s syndrome, Widower Health, What is a widower experiencing?, Behavior of a widower, Widower Families, Healing Grief Comments

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