… Men are not supposed to show grief, because we are men. I call BS on that one, and here is where our worlds overlap. Did you know that 80% of all suicides in America are committed by men? Read that again, and let’s go upstream and talk about mental health.
One of the risk factors for suicide is the loss of a relationship…. we must be on our A-game to guard against intrusive thoughts like suicide, and most of these occur when we are alone. So, let’s look at loneliness a bit…
Read MoreWidowers are easy targets for those who would prey upon our loneliness and desperation for female companionship after losing our wives. These click-bait appeals are often specifically targeted towards older men who are single or widowed…
Read MoreWe widowers often hear that soon after the death of our wives we will lose many friends and possibly some family ties. This frequently occurs despite our best efforts to maintain these previously reliable and important relationships. This can result in…
Read MoreOften after our wives pass, another crisis will come along that shakes us and causes us to confront our current state of thinking about our life going forward. This may be just what is needed to wake us and point us into a more promising future…
Read MoreWhen our wives pass, we often ask, “How we can remember, honor, and love them going forward?” That is a huge question for many of us. The answer often plays a major role in how we process and heal our grief…
Read MoreWhether quoting from Wayne’s World or the Bible, the phrase “I am not worthy” may describe how we feel at times after our wives pass away. A ritual of self-condemnation and feelings of inadequacy often overwhelm us, especially when we are alone. It is so easy to fall into a pattern of blaming ourselves or others….
Read MoreShortly after my wife’s death, I went to the mountains by myself for a week and screamed as loud and often as I wanted to. But now, years later, I no longer feel the anger I felt then. I now forget how easy it was to cut myself off from everyone and to let the anger and depression take over my life.
Read MoreOK… I confess. My girlfriend enticed me into watching The Golden Bachelor in which 73-year-old Gerry Turner (a widower since 2017) meets, dates, and engages in numerous activities (dancing, 3-wheeling, Pickleball, and more) while trying to determine if one of 22 women “candidates” would be someone to spend the rest of his life with. In the process, Gerry frequently finds himself in surprisingly emotional circumstances… and often cries unashamedly on camera…
Read MoreEight years ago, I found myself where many of you are today… in deep grieving mode and without the one person I could always rely upon to hear, support, and love me whenever I was facing a major challenge. I, like many of you…
Read MoreSince your wife died, how often have you been thoroughly confused by the kindness of women towards you? How often have you, even though you know it is wrong, thought there might be something there? I am not embarrassed to tell you that I had many such instances….
Read MoreJust try to be angry and grateful at the same time. Hard, isn’t it?
It is difficult because the focus on one interferes with your ability to do the other…
Read MoreHow often have you said or thought, “I can’t do that! I am not good at it and never will be.”… After your wife passes, you may be faced with doing many things that you think you cannot do.
Read MoreAre you floating in a sea of grief with only a life vest of memories keeping you afloat? If you are not careful that life vest can become a diving weight belt of anger, regrets, and fear that drags you down into depression…
Read MoreThere is an upsurge in interest in widowers and their grief journeys due to these four men who have brought open and frank discussions of the topic to the forefront. We believe this will help break down barriers for many widowers and those who love them…
Read MoreGrief and its inevitable partner, loneliness, cause pain unlike anything most have ever experienced before. The love we felt so strongly for our wives now turns on us and causes emotional, physical, and psychological pain. The sudden absence of love being given back to us leaves a hole that seems bottomless and unfillable; while our inability to show our love to a physically present wife frustrates, confuses, and hurts us.
Read MoreAfter the loss of our wives, many of us find ourselves unable to communicate effectively with others. Even those of us who come from careers in communication may find ourselves suddenly at a loss for words… Learning to communicate with others again is not only vital for us to heal but also critical if we want to re-engage with life again in any meaningful way.
Read MoreOnce you have made the decision to date again as a widower, prepare yourself for the shock of entering a much different dating scene after an absence of many years…
Read MoreIf you want to heal to survive this hell-on-earth experience, you will have to grow as a person… as a father, brother, son, friend, and/or community member. If you retreat from the world to stew in your grief and anger, that is where you will likely remain…
Read MoreIf your dad is a recent widower, there are ways you can help him on Father's Day while also strengthening your family relationships. To ignore Father’s Day can be a missed opportunity, and even a mistake that injects another layer of separation between the father and children…
Read MoreWe often ask, “How can I survive this?” During these times, the siren call of alcohol and drugs may be strong. I was very tempted to drink more, try weed, or take pain pills. I thought this would help ease my pain and let me forget what I was experiencing…
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